today was a beautiful day. luckily that happens, too. and it boosts optimism, which makes me say this: luckily this will happen increasingly more often (watch the second degree of increase!)

today i even had the chance to play smart *beep* (hey, i'm somebody's dad, i cant say that no more!), which in that situation, at that location and with those participants was exorbitant fun.


i even sang to the dragon. yeah, and after the third time through humming the text popped back into my head! how is that for an old brain's performance? remembered a verse after what felt like 2500 years, with no cheat'n!



today really everything was goody-goody. which is why our sweet dragon has not three heads but three smilies...

i had to go through my first day without seeing any of my children. collin had problems.

i had come to the clinic in the bestest of moods, went to brunas room and found the note "am with the kids". so i went down there. unfortunately a doctor had to tell me that collins blood pressure was low and his belly bloated by some liquid. to not further keep her from doing more necessary things i got out of there.

strange, i always pride myself in being eloquent and always thought the only thing that can not be expressed with words would be mail. but there really are no words describing the feeling while sitting in some place waiting for the news of salvation of your child. trying to think positive, of course. never let the conversation creep off the wrong way. thinking of super-concious spheres, where all life is supposed to be connected. trying to rake up as much energy there as possible and sending it collins way. the more, the better. it went thus far that i substituted hera for collin before going to bed: i pet her and talked to her the way i would with the little man. told him, he WILL make it, that we are real cool dudes and are waiting for him and are looking forward to him and that he will enjoy us and what we have and stand for, that he will feel comfortable. we are where the fun is, i said again and again. apparently he is a fun seeker. and we got lucky!

another time big ones have saved a little one. my little one...

and cold darkness became the next day...

overwhelmed by the volume of requests i call to the gift seekers with my last breath

http://www.amazon.de/wishlist/2JQYQ65DTPRR2

but right now we need more urgently all fingers we can get crossed and any sort of other cosmic energy focused and telepathically beamed over here...

let's make the energy an "amazonas" and worry about the "amazon us" later, shall we?

it really IS unfathomable what humans accomplish! to properly provide for this tiny vulnerability within seconds in a matter that prevents the nanometers of life thread from rupturing takes everything to even believe. still, they smile that accomplishment away, modestly. they timidly look the other way when one thanks them. say things like "it's our job!" or "dont praise us too early!"

therefore, at this point, in writing - thought through and considered, not a micron exaggerated: you are immediately determining the cause of the rest of my life. the cause of the rest of brunas life and most certainly the cause of the entire life of our little three-headed dragon. to me, you are absolute heroes and heroines, each and every inch of you, all! it is NOT a job, it's a calling! i thank you with all my heart and will store what you have done for my family in the foremost brain cell until my dying breath! thank you for being, thank you for crossing our path, thank you for keeping going, thank you for every answer, thank you for each smile, thank you for every trump you play in this grand game, thank you for every minute of each lesson in your studies, thank you for what you are: life spenders!

and please, dont hold against me when i dont address you formally and distantly, as is the tradition in germany. it is not for lack of respect, it is because - trust me - it doesnt get any more intimate than holding the life of 60% of my familiy in your able hands!

and let me give you a hand on that!

well, time to rest a little. resting with numbers. names y'all already know, right?

firstborn: benjamin, 2:09 central european time, on this here feb21st, 2011. quite early, so in the middle of night. weighing in at 630 grams, that's 22,22oz. measuring 30cm in length, less than a foot. head is 22cm in circumference. one of the identical twins.




surprisingly, his twin brother didnt come next. next came our little victoria. at 2:10cet. at 590 grams and 21.5cm head circumference. you can only see her tiny hand. if you wanna see more, wait and check back; her well-being outranks more details on photographs, obviously!




then collin, last - 2:11cet - but certainly not least: he wins the weight contest at 680 grams and also 22cm head.
and thank you, opi, for the sign. i KNOW you got a hand in this, so PLEASE keep watching over them! be to them what you've been to me!

as soon as the lioness rests, i am allowed to visit the little ones. the room i'd already seen. but now everything is different. in the room and in me. now, these are all my own kids. somebody way upped the stakes! and in the room are no less than 9 people, wrestling for 3 lives. in the middle - like a friendly lighthouse - stands prof. dr. skopnik. not a hair on the man twitches, he radiates trust and tranqulity like i have never seen before. and with a little fear of flying i am used to watching flight attendants for signs of nervosity... souvereign, almost fatherly, he supervises his team. few and short commands, checks, hints come from his mouth with calm and firm voice. and as if knowing me for the longest time he does exactly what i need so desperately now: he nods my way: all good, routine, everything running smoothly, relax!




all of a sudden, i function. i jump to make way when somebody needs to get through, i memorize the numbers at which the monitors go on alert, engrave in my brain where which of my children is. the whole room is my family only! the great adventure has started. and i am part of it, hanging on. a functioning part. with a task, a target.

nevertheless, very briefly monty python pops in my head: "they got it all, even a machine that goes 'ping'!"

and after a while i see prof. skopnik in civil clothing, sandals. i think: "if the captain leaves ship, it aint sinking!" my optimism has awakend. it is not sole, yet, but there. we will make it!

bruna is in pain. apparently lots of it. she starts waking up, the anesthetics pull their gracefull curtain back. with the utmost care the midwife and i maneuver her in her bed along the corridor. she feels every crooked atom in the floor. infusion, pain medication, seconds stretching to hours. finally it kicks in. fourty million times i whisper in her ear, that everything is good, that i saw them each, that they are OK, that she done good, that the pain will vanish instantly, that i love her. my lioness. fought. rests now.

suddenly somebody next to me, asking for the names and spelling. good thing we wrote everything down: benjamin, victoria and collin. in the order received. our three-headed dragon has a name!

i get there and am told, unfortunately it really is an emergency surgery, that i can not attend, the rest doesnt really stick.

much later i can see clearly: the doctor has acted in best intentions, telling me to take my time. OF COURSE i woulda wrecked the van face-down in the ditch about 4 nano seconds after the word "emergency surgery", not the trace of a doubt! so, very loudly and clearly - most of all honestly: thanx ms. guerbuez, that was very far-sighted!

so, surgery. anesthetics. time-space-DIScontinuum. after ages and innumerable comforting attempts by the midwifes (you ARE angels, and i WILL find your wings, one day!), noises come from the other end of the corridor: beeping. and hissing. or puffing... a team of no less than three people rolls a strangly small, but tall bed past me: my first child. even the gender unknown at this time. the second team notices me. "are you the dad?" - "yes!" - "congrats!" time can be like glue. enough to make me convince myself that i didnt see numbers 1 and 2, but 2 and 3. finally beeping, puffing. the third team even stops - briefly. the dad-question, congratulations, info: "this one here is a boy!"

our little three-headed dragon has landed. we are a grand-family. me, i am little, too. tiny! i need to grow. fast. i must be strong, must comfort, lead, support. how?

the midwife says, in 10 minutes my wife comes out of the ER. i say i'll be back in 9. actually i quit smoking. but now i need one. for growth!

when i left everything was calm. so it was snuggling hera, bean soup for dinner (yes, i do know how to cook!) and a movie. then bedtime.

phone rings, i jump up.

a comforting female voice asks if i am awake. i am. if i want to come to the delivery room. i want. take your time, you'll make it fine. i take. with really every bit of tranqulity i can muster - not laggy but not hasty either - i get ready, deliberately pick something to wear, whistle for hera and get going.

it's snowing. driving in this weather looks like the "enterprise" at warp 9. with a cool head i compute how to get there the fastest: v-max without being pulled over is limit plus 20km/h, which i strictly keep. after all, i wanna get to the delivery room, not the ditch.

i am convinced, i will get there, get into ER clothing and get started.

but how simple-minded men really are, is proven by the painted fly in the urinal...

hera moved into the bus by now. the poor dog has to wait so long each night before going home from the hospital... in turn there is plenty of vineyard across the street to go potty in style. but bruna and the li'l ones aint doing so well, after all. maybe we turned down the alert a bit too early. throughout today there wasnt any more contractions, in fact. however, towards the evening it started again. poor mommy cant even lie straight for back-pains and each time she wants to turn around there is either a contraction or it starts bleeding. weird situation, if you dont know a way out of a dilemma like this...
the entire department do their ultimate possible, we feel excellently taken care of. the rest must be done by imperturbable optimism and transcontinental finger-crossing.

cross fingers using the comment feature!
kindest thanks!